Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
