The maid of honor just puked.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
