the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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