I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
