you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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