I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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