roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
