I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize