he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Someone shattered a urinal.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My breasts were aching with rage.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
