I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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