Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
