I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
