i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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