best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
