Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
