I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Acid is not a monday night drug
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize