Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
