I want to have your abortion
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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