we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
