Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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