The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
