I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
