DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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