I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
