wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
