I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize