how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
