i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
