No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize