i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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