bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
