Soap is not a condiment
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize