Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
