i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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