Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
