I'm jealous of your bromance
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How naked do you want me to be?
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