Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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