He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
