I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
