I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
