I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
