I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
