Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
