You can't motorboat a personality
please come you make the beer taste better
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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