i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
