It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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