he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
