we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
