I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
