someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
