I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
