There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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