on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
