she was so not down for the gang bang
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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