someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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