I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
