I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
