Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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