My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
