I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
