so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize