I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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