I got chris browned last night
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
