wrigley field is MILF paradise
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
