Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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