So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
