I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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