He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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