god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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