I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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