So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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