I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
