I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
