So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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