my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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