There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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