mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
