You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
