Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
