I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
